My Two Weeks Notice

May 30, 2007
10:30 A.M.
Via E-mail

Dear President of Prince Charming Family Co.,

I am writing to inform you that I am resigning. I have decided after careful consideration that I no longer wish to be employed by this company.

I was informed upon hire of the long hours, almost non existent benefit package, and the "little or no" pay off until years of services have been provided. However, I find that circumstances in my latest assigned project are unacceptable and unreasonable.

Copy Of Official Complaint Form:

The '2 Year Molars' Project
Project Start Date: May 14th, 2007
Project Goals and Description: To keep lower level management (my boss) as professional, in the right state of mind and make process as painless and easy as possible.

My Issues:

  • It is impossible to keep anyone happy when they are running fever, constantly screaming, being as defiant as possible, and using everything within reaching distance as either a sibling torture device or gum pain removal device.
  • During this project my boss would consistently request a snack, then for no reason decide that she no longer desired original snack, and begin screaming hysterically, demanding the proper snack be brought out. As difficult as the yelling and shrieking was to tolerate, the worse issue was my bosses total lack of communication skills, which prevented me from knowing which snack was the desired snack. This, of course, would contribute to a highly stressful and exhausting process of guessing what my boss wanted as quickly and efficiently as was expected of me. Simply put, there should have been a secondary project launched with the extra staff required and titled 'The Snack Project'
  • I have tried numerous times to inform my boss of scheduled meetings outside of our office. She refuses to be reasonable and refuses to leave the premises. She insists that she must be required to continue work on her favorite current project 'Fisher Price Peoples' as opposed to the very necessary meeting required to ensure continuation of project' The Family Must Eat'.
  • I have attempted many times to indulge my boss in her desired outside activities, yet the moment we step outside the building she begins to get irritable, irrational and insist we go back in the building. Once inside she then begins fretting and trying to coerce me into escorting her back outside.
  • Her treatment of other lower management personal has also left much to be desired. She suddenly screams 'NO' to them whenever spoken too. She finds great delight in stealing other managements snacks, lunches and drinks whenever possible. She constantly requests they accompany her on outings and then becomes enraged when they do not do exactly as she sees fit. This has resulted in throwing of spaghetti, plummeting with a doll, blanket thievery, sleep deprivation of co-habituating management and exposure to the most ear wrenching, brain stopping, head splitting screams and cries ever known to exist.

This irrational, indecisive, horribly crabby, and unreasonable expectations have left me no choice but to resign my position. I have given all I have to give and simply cannot continue to work under these types of conditions and pressure.

(Your Wife)


I have enclosed evidence that validates some of my claims:


Catwoman said...

I have thought of resigning many times as well. But they never accept. And then they bribe me with a glass of wine. And so I stay, but the horrible behavior doesn't get better.

I've been told that in another 18 years of work, management should treat me better.

Anonymous said...

Catwoman - I tell ya. They really do need a more accurate job description don't they??

Diane said...

Oh my. I'm rolling on the floor with laughter..... THIS IS THE BEST!! Truly brilliant. Who knew that new molars would be an assignment one could resign from. Your sense of humor and dedication to details made this one of the best reads... I'm inspired to resign from a few assignments of my own now. VIVA La Independance!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Diane - LOL! If Only it were that simple! I am expecting my denial of resignation letter/call at any moment ;-)

Sassy said...

Ah this so reminds me that I need to hand in my own resignation before summer break back...gotta go hire an officer of the law to take over.

Anonymous said...

Sassy - LOL! Agreed! When was Nickelback? Did you go? Was it wonderful?

Rambler said...

Can I just say, honestly here, that I hate going to other peoples blogs and seeing entries such as this one? Now for the rest of the day I will be thinking "Man, why can't I think of stuff like that? Is there something wrong with my brain that I can't make stuff like this up? What am I? Funny-impaired?" So thank you so much for the laugh and the huge kick to the stomach of my ego.
Also, I would like to hand in my resignation for something very similar. My one year old is cutting a zillion teeth at one time and his behavior is very much the same as your two year olds only he can't speak really any words. Basically all I get is him coming over crying and in between sobs pointing off into various directions and screaming "bwah bwah bwahhhhhhhhhhh!" If I ever find out what the heck a bwah bwah bwah is, I'm totally kicking it.
Thanks for the laugh! I just love you! (and not at all in a strange, I'm gonna single white female you sort of way!)

MGM said...

Awwwww! But she's such a cutie with those blonde ringlets bounding as she screams!

What I always say (when the initial frustration wears off), is "Good thing she's cute!"

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Anonymous said...

Tracy - Okay, this type of post is something that I always WANT to write..and never can when I try. This really was a letter I sent to hubby and then realized...Oh..that would be a really good post! LOL. I am sorry you are going through this, too! It's just impossible! And Bean can talk, but when she's like this there is not talking involved. It's all screaming and pointing.

Thanks for clarifying the love thing. I was a bit worried for a second ;-)

Anonymous said...

MGM - That is one of the only reasons I survived yesterday. I alternated between: 'She's cute..she's sooo damn cute' and 'This is the last time ever, I need to cherish this. This the the last time EVER!