Two Week Notice Rejection Response

Yesterday I sent the head of my company a letter of resignation. Here is the response I received via e-mail:

Dear Superwoman,

I have faith in you to see this task to it's completion. I chose you because of your dedication, your wisdom of all motherly things( we'll leave algebra to me), your humor, your strengths, your warm and gentle touch (no doctor can fix a boo boo as good as your kiss), and most important your love.

I...uh.. This company is aware of your long hours and tiresome dedication. I have included the following benefits as a reminder:

  • Room and Board (even if you have to clean it and board it)
  • Health Insurance (even if you have to transport said managers)
  • Million Dollar Retirement Account ( Shared of course, matures at age 65)
  • Married Google's #1 Sexy Handyman (Need I say more)
  • All the 3M stuff you need
  • Company Transportation ( a vintage classic and a friendly "I love You" car)
  • Laundry Service (OK, so it's self serve)

To entice you to stay with us I have been authorized to offer the following benefits:

  • (1) weekly massage.
  • (1) weekly Girl night out package
  • (1) monthly Date with Google's #1 sexy handyman
  • (2) weekly 30 minute time out sessions
  • (1) weekly pamper yourself night ( a one time $100 Bath and Body Works Gift card)
  • (1) "Pass It On" Chore, anything you don't want to do, pass it on to Prince Charming
  • (1) weekly dinner prepared by Chef Ramsey impersonator ( Swearing included)

If there is anything else I could include please feel free to contact my secretary and I will accommodate you in any possible way to help see this project through.

Thank you, and I Love You.

Best Regards,
Prince Charming

Yeah, Sometimes they are pretty good at reminding you why you married 'em ;-)


Diane said...

What an incentive package!!! And a great reminder of all benefits still in place!! Nice to be reminded of all the things that make him prince charming to begin with.

Anonymous said...

Diane - Yes, yes it is. It is a pretty impressive list of added benefits

Rambler said...

Hey Chris,
If you do decide to go ahead with your resignation, could you please recommend me as your replacement?
Can I just say that my husband would never ever ever offer that package! Your Prince Charming just made mine look like a toad.
That was very sweet!

Anonymous said...

Tracy - LOL. Sure no problem! I will definitely keep you in mind. As we are long lost twins it shouldn't be too much of an issue ;-) But honestly after the new benefit package was added I am re-thinking leaving ;-)

Rambler said...

I completely understand your rethinking the whole thing. I just wanted to be sure to go ahead and get my foot in the door for just in case. I had no idea that being your long lost twin would have such great benefits!

Anonymous said...

Tracy - Well, No one can blame you for trying and I sure would have done the same thing! Hmmm...I wonder what I'd get for a severance package.....

Amber said...

You had me at "weekly massage."

Anonymous said...

Amber - LOL! Thanks for stopping by :-D

Catwoman said...

How sweet!!!!!!

PC said...

You know you have to use them if offered. Do I have to do sneak midnight massages?lol, those usually lead to other Whats a guy gotta do to give up a message.