Yesterday I sent the head of my company a letter of resignation. Here is the response I received via e-mail:
I have faith in you to see this task to it's completion. I chose you because of your dedication, your wisdom of all motherly things( we'll leave algebra to me), your humor, your strengths, your warm and gentle touch (no doctor can fix a boo boo as good as your kiss), and most important your love.
I...uh.. This company is aware of your long hours and tiresome dedication. I have included the following benefits as a reminder:
- Room and Board (even if you have to clean it and board it)
- Health Insurance (even if you have to transport said managers)
- Million Dollar Retirement Account ( Shared of course, matures at age 65)
- Married Google's #1 Sexy Handyman (Need I say more)
- All the 3M stuff you need
- Company Transportation ( a vintage classic and a friendly "I love You" car)
- Laundry Service (OK, so it's self serve)
To entice you to stay with us I have been authorized to offer the following benefits:
- (1) weekly massage.
- (1) weekly Girl night out package
- (1) monthly Date with Google's #1 sexy handyman
- (2) weekly 30 minute time out sessions
- (1) weekly pamper yourself night ( a one time $100 Bath and Body Works Gift card)
- (1) "Pass It On" Chore, anything you don't want to do, pass it on to Prince Charming
- (1) weekly dinner prepared by Chef Ramsey impersonator ( Swearing included)
If there is anything else I could include please feel free to contact my secretary and I will accommodate you in any possible way to help see this project through.
Thank you, and I Love You.
Yeah, Sometimes they are pretty good at reminding you why you married 'em ;-)