WANTED:
It Wasn't Me!





Wanted:

Name: It Wasn't me

Age: Believed to be between 8 yrs. and 2 yrs., but has been known to impersonate a 32 yr. old

Sex: Unknown, has portrayed both male and female tendencies

Identifying Marks: Name typically followed by an exclamation point ---> !

Crime:
  • Causing chaotic disturbances of toys, clothing and other household items
  • Performing chores improperly
  • Disregarding household rules
  • Framing different members of the household for the afore mentioned crimes


How to know if you have been a victim of It Wasn't me:
  • If you ask a particular member of the house who used crayon on a window and the response is 'It wasn't me!'
  • If you find a pair of shoes in the middle of the room and say " You guys need to start putting your shoes away properly!" and you receive a chorus of "It wasn't me" (including the owner of shoes)
  • If you notice the children eating a piece of candy at a time not normally considered acceptable by mothering standards and you give your significant other 'The Look' and again are told , "It wasn't me!"


What to do if you find you have been a victim:
  • Count to 10. At least twice.
  • Take a deep breath
  • Quickly exclaim to all in room this exact phrase: "Quick, Quick! Find him! It wasn't me is here again and we need to catch him!"

  • When family members look at you in puzzlement and confusion (a.k.a.: Mommy has had to much coffee and lost her mind), respond with this phrase: "It wasn't me has been causing all sorts of trouble today! (insert personalized examples here ---> _________________) We have to try to catch him before he does something else that will get you in trouble!"

  • Continue in this method until all (or most) of It wasn't me! sightings have been averted

8 comments:

Roz said...

hahaha that's funny.

In my house, his name was "Mr. Nobody"

Chris said...

Roz - Nobody hasn't really visited. But Mr. I don't know has made a few appearances :-D

Bee said...

All in all your kids are good kids cuz in my household we would say "It was he/she" not that there was a hermaphrodite in my family. It means we blamed each other. Just clearing it up in case you were confused.

Chris said...

Bee - I think the hermaphrodite would be much more interesting to this story. You should just go with that. Oh the blogging fodder that would provide you with ;-)

Tracy said...

I'm curious to know how It Wasn't Me can be in two places at the SAME.FRIPPIN.TIME. because he/she has been here for the past two weeks.
I can't believe you wrote this because yesterday I honestly yelled "Ok, which one of you did I name "It Wasn't Me because I can't remember and whichever one of you it is is gonna get it!"
Thanks for telling me what exactly I'm supposed to do when these sightings occur. Until now, I've had no idea what to do with him/her.
Also, do you have any contact numbers for the parents of "It Wasn't Me?" I would really like to get ahold of them so that they can come and get their child.
Thanks!

Tiff said...

around here there names are "It's not mine" and "I didn't do it"

"It's not mine" leaves shoes and socks everywhere, toys,homework, craft items, backpacks, work clothes and even dare I say it. Poopy diapers. "I didn't do it" leaves the cereal out, dirty dishes all over the house, bannana on the floor, and trash on the counters. I think the FBI should be called to investigate this invisible child/adult.

Diane said...

See this type of Shaggy behavior must be more common than you think. I'm sure "it" will even grow up into old age.

If only we were talented enough to add a nice hip-hop beat, we could make a fortune!! And were big jewelry and drive big cars.


If the song lyrics (http://music.yahoo.com/track/1840824) are any indication... we will want to nip this behavior in the bud!!

Pokey Puppy said...

LMFAO... thats totally hilarious.. I have just had to have the what lying is talk.. so now if he answers wrong I say fred that is lying and he goes oh oh oh followed by the truth.. i figure i have a month or two of this still!!