The Birds
The Bees
And Monkey Kisses

The Birds and the Bees

2 days ago

Alex: " Mom, you promised to tell me what that glove thing was."

Me: "What glove thing?"

Alex: "You know, the thing you found in my backpack!"

Me: (Damn. He didn't forget) Alright. It's called a Condom. And it's something you use for Sex. Do you know what Sex is?

Alex: "Yes. It's what you do with a beautiful girl when you are married and you want to have a baby, right?"

Me: "(How freaking cute is that! ) Yes, and sometimes when a man and woman have sex they don't want to have a baby. So a man puts the condom on his penis and it keeps him from giving the woman a baby. "

Alex: "It goes on his Private Area? And I touched it?! Oh..that's sooooo gross! Class Clown Boy had that on his mouth mom! Oh, that is so disgusting!!"

(Me silently thanking the heavens that the germ factor outweighed curiosity about how it prevented babies)

Me: "Yes, and now you know why I sort of freaked out when I found that in your backpack 'cause it could have dangerous germs or chemicals and make you sick. Okay?"

Alex: "Okay."

Me: "Any more questions about this or sex?"

Alex: "Nope. Can I play my game now?"

Me: "Sure."

Monkey Kisses

Getting Ready to Leave Last Night

P.C.: "Love you. See you later."

Me: "Love you, too. Be back in a bit."

(PC gives me a kiss)

Alex: "Ewww. Okay! Enough. It's been like 5 minutes of you kissing!"

(We, being the good parents that we are, continue to kiss in a much louder, passionate, and over exaggerated manner)

Alex: "Oh Nasty! I just saw someone put their tongue in the other persons mouth!"

Me: "What?" (Trying soo hard no to laugh)

Alex: "You know, if you put your tongue in someone else's mouth then you are kissing like a Monkey. Seriously! (looking at us in total Solomon seriousness, because he thought our smothered hysterical laughing was actually a sound of disbelief) That's how Monkey's Kiss! They put their tongue in another Monkey's mouth! It's gross and you just kissed like a Monkey!"

(I feel sorry for the first girl who tries to French Kiss him.)

(Everybody!: You and me baby, we ain't nothing but mammals, let's do it like they do on the discovery channel)

If only the world of woman, relationships and sex would stay this simple for him ;-)


Diane said...

Ah, the early days of wine and roses. Where we all this sweet and innocent once? This is absolutely precious and too too adorable.

Bee said...

You know what? I never once saw my parents kiss. Not one single time. They're divorced now so maybe that's why...? We were immaculately conceived you know. ;o)

Chris said...

Diane - Thank you ;-)

Bee - PC and I talked about that last night. That because we are careful about what he watches he's never really *seen* a French kiss. And I think the kids seeing us kiss, show affection and etc. is much more healthy than seeing it from the t.v. :-D

Immaculate conception, huh? I always thought there was something 'holier than thou' about you ;-) LMAO.

Chris said...

That should read : Because we are careful...etc. LMAO. You're contagious Bee ;-)

Bee said...

Or... I could 666 on my head...

Bee said...

"could have 666"
you know the drill!

Chris said...

See. You're Contagious! LMAO. PC was in a gas station the other night and it rang up to $6.66 and the guy asked if he'd like to add something on to get a new total. LMAO.

Mama Drama Jenny said...

Let me add that to my sex education speech : Do not put used condoms in your mouth or try to blow them up.

Who knew this would be an issue?

Chris said...

Jenny - wasn't used. The boys just thought it was a glove or something. But OYE! LOL.

Pokey Puppy said...

OH. My. God. that is soooo freaking funny and scaryy, and adorable!

Chris said...

Pokey - I totally agree :-D

Tiff said...

LOL> My daughter is the same way. SHe freaks out when she sees my hubby and I kiss. !

Chris said...

Tiff - I think it's hilarious to torture him that way ;-) LOL.

Amber said...

Note to self: stop having sex around the time my daughter starts asking questions. That way, I won't have any slip-ups. :-)