What Can Make a 9 Year Old Boy Laugh Hysterically?

Simple Answer?

You just have to know what to say.

Here are my top discoveries:

• Flaming Piles of Poo Power (not sure if it's the Dr. Suess style rhyming factor or the poo factor)
  

• Family Jewels (Typical Male. That's all I can say.)

• Balls ( Recently discovered 'playground talk' word *and no, not as in basket or foot* O.Y.E.!!)

• Fart (It's such a classic, I think it's appeal may actually be encoded in the male DNA!)

• Underpants ( I totally don't get this one. I just don't. LOL.)

• Any Swear word *if they are banned at your house* (At first they will get this shocked look of hilarious disbelief. Then they laugh hysterically that they actually got to hear the word!)

Oh, to be a tween boy!

Have a Heart...

Valentines day is only a week away and some are anxiously awaiting a gift from a loved one, or waiting to give a gift to someone we love and for others it's just a fabricated holiday that should be overlooked. But regardless of what you think of valentines day, I hope you will help my kids make this one special.

Just in case you've never heard of it Jump Rope For Heart is a program ran by the American Heart Association to not only raise money but also inform kids about the dangers of Heart Disease and Stroke. The kids do different heart related activities at school, raise funds and then on Feb. 14th they spend the entire class "jump roping for hearts" :-) I know that since Alex began this program back in Kindergarten 4 years ago I have become more informed and found out things I never knew. Such as:

Isn't heart disease just heart disease, whether it's in a man or a woman?

Not necessarily. We have gaps in our knowledge about the prevention and treatment of heart disease in women. For one thing, women historically haven't been included in scientific research studies to the extent men have.

For example, we now know that just because a woman's arteries appear clear on an angiogram (a picture of the heart), it doesn't mean she's not at risk of heart disease. A study by the National Institutes of Health indicated as many as 3 million women previously diagnosed with healthy arteries could actually have an increased risk of heart attack after all.

This study, called the Women's Ischemia Syndrome Evaluation (WISE), found among other things that the gold standard test for assessing coronary artery disease — the coronary angiogram — may not spot the more diffuse buildup of plaques that often forms in the smaller coronary arteries of women's hearts.

Is heart disease something only older women should worry about?

No. While heart disease is the leading cause of death for women 65 and older, it's the third-leading cause of death for women 25 to 44 and second-leading cause of death for women 45 to 64. All women, of all ages, should take heart disease seriously.

I've heard something about the connection between depression and heart disease in women. What's that about?

Depression is twice as common in women as in men, and it increases the risk of heart disease by two to three times compared with those who aren't depressed. It's estimated that about one in five women who has a heart attack or is hospitalized with heart failure has evidence of depression. We need to better diagnose and address depression because depression makes it difficult to maintain a healthy lifestyle and follow recommended treatment.

Read more at Mayo Clincic..

I am at high risk, and honestly, if it wasn't for this program I never would have realized that at the age of (almost) 30, I am a candidate for heart disease or stroke!

Heart Disease not only affects women (and men) there are are also children who suffer from congenital and acquired heart diseases. In fact one of my favorite bloggers, has a son who suffers from Kawasaki Disease

Last year Alex raised $500 for Jump Rope for Heart, but this year the added competition of Liberty now being in school made him set his goal to $1000. And of course, in the spirit of good sibling rivalry Liberty has also made her goal $1000. I would love nothing more than to be able to help them reach their goals, and so I am asking for your help.

HERE is Alex's Page and HERE is Liberty's page. All of us would appreciate any help you can offer: reposting, passing on of this message or donations of any amount!

Thank you a million kisses and hugs as Alex and Liberty say!

Grab this button:


<a href="http://serendipitymine.blogspot.com/2008/02/have-heart.html" target="blank"><img src="http://lh5.google.com/SerendipityMine/R6nwQbiWOwI/AAAAAAAAAEA/Dnl_kgzMtsA/s144/SAVE-A-HEART.jpg"></a><br />

Donald Trump Beware The Next Great Negotiator has been Born

Alex came home from school and we had the following conversation:

Me: The dog got into the garbage cans and the wind has blown it all over the farmer's feild. I really need someone to go into the field and get all that garbage picked up and do a great job. What would I have to do to convince you to do it and to do a great job?

Alex: Hmm. Let me think about it.(long almost 5 min. pause) How about $50?

Me : Umm..No. Nice Try. What else?

Alex: Um. Dinner at McDonald's tonight?

Me: Okay, deal.

He went out there without a complaint and did an amazing job. I'd blog more but I have to go negotiate the cleaning of his room over Chicken nuggets.

Comment of the day

Alex: "I hope you're flexible because you're gonna need it to kiss your butt goodbye, Mom!"

Yeah, he's a tad bit competitive.

A Letter to the Little Lovelies..

Dear Alex, Liberty and Bean;
You are wonderful children. I have been complimented many times on how well behaved and polite you are. You are all thoughtful, kind and loving. Daddy and I try to tell you this as often as we can so that you grow to be secure, confident and even more amazing adults. I apologize, but I do have on question.

When having left a family function, special outing, restaurant or other such event and we are on the way home, and when Daddy and I decide to compliment you, saying something like, "Hey guys, you all behaved outstanding at (insert particular place here). Thank you very much we really appreciate it!", what are we doing wrong?

It seems that those words, once spoken aloud, translate inside your tiny diabolical minds from meaning "Thanks for being so good" to "Hey..You've been good enough, so go ahead and raise some hell!"

I would just like to take a moment and let you know that "Thank you for being good" does not mean:

• Hit your sister/brother

• Make annoying sounds with: Toys, vehicle, paper, your body parts or your siblings body parts

• scream

• whisper so everyone has to ask, repeatedly, what you are saying

• Start and argument over the crayons exact shade of blue

• Sing at the top of your lungs

• Tell your sister her singing is annoying

• Throw French fries, chicken nuggets or any other form of edible (or non edible) items

• ignore everyone or anyone when they are talking to you

• repeat the name of person ignoring you over, and over, and over while getting louder, and louder, and louder until said person stops ignoring you
  

In short, my little lovelies, when we say "Thank you for being good" please rewrite your inner translator to understand that we also mean, "please continue to be good".

Thank you and all my Love,
Mommy

Warning! Warning! Warning! Keep Children Away! Childhood Myths Busted!

Alex is eight and we knew it was almost time. He kept asking. And asking. And asking.

"Mom, I'm 8. It's time to tell me the truth. I need to know. Is Santa Claus real?"

"Well, what do you believe? Do you believe Santa is real? Then, if you believe he is real, that is all that matters."

I managed to make it through the last two months that way. I just wanted this one last Christmas. We had decided the first time he asked after Christmas we would tell him the truth, hope for the best and then threaten everything he holds dear if he uttered a word of it to his sisters.

Unfortunately he cornered us Wednesday and there was no way to avoid the truth.

"Mom and Dad, I am EIGHT, you need to tell me the truth. I am old enough to know. All my friends at school know the truth. Please, just tell me."

"Alex, do you believe Santa is real?"

"I don't know! I just know that it's time you told me the truth. I'm eight.

Prince Charming and I looked at each other and made the decision.

"No , Santa isn't exactly real. There is a person who was called Santa Claus in history but the Santa Claus you believe in.....is actually Mommy and Daddy"

This is where we held our breaths waiting in terror to see his reaction


"Wow, so that means it was you guys who gave me the Blue Man Group thingy last year!? That is soooo cool! I'm so glad it's really you!!"

Oh yeah. It was me alright. It was me and my Mom and my Best Friend scouring the web and ever store to find the hottest toy of 2006. ( NEVER.AGAIN.)

There was no trauma or tears. He actually thought it was cool that we were Santa and that it was me who couldn't wait Christmas morning and found a way to wake them secretly then hide back in bed so I could hear their surprise when they saw the presents and stocking by the tree.

As the day went on he would think of gifts Santa had brought and ask me about them. "So it was you guys who bought Tickles (his puppy) when I was 5 and gave him to me for Christmas?" And when I confirmed that it was us, he seemed more happy and content. I was really proud of the fact that he seemed to be happier that it was his parents and that he understood financial restrictions. He wasn't at all upset that there was no magical land and free toys for the taking.

Then the unexpected happened. Last night he asked me, "Mom does this mean the Easter Bunny is real or not?"

Oye. What's next? The Tooth Fairy!!!

*****************************************

You dropped the quarter in the Salvation Army's red bucket.

You took a name off the tree to buy a toy for a child.
Now, do something even easier.
Help one of our own. One Pic..One Pea...One Dollar.

The BirdsThe Bees And Monkey Kisses

The Birds and the Bees

2 days ago

Alex: " Mom, you promised to tell me what that glove thing was."

Me: "What glove thing?"

Alex: "You know, the thing you found in my backpack!"

Me: (Damn. He didn't forget) Alright. It's called a Condom. And it's something you use for Sex. Do you know what Sex is?

Alex: "Yes. It's what you do with a beautiful girl when you are married and you want to have a baby, right?"

Me: "(How freaking cute is that! ) Yes, and sometimes when a man and woman have sex they don't want to have a baby. So a man puts the condom on his penis and it keeps him from giving the woman a baby. "

Alex: "It goes on his Private Area? And I touched it?! Oh..that's sooooo gross! Class Clown Boy had that on his mouth mom! Oh, that is so disgusting!!"

(Me silently thanking the heavens that the germ factor outweighed curiosity about how it prevented babies)

Me: "Yes, and now you know why I sort of freaked out when I found that in your backpack 'cause it could have dangerous germs or chemicals and make you sick. Okay?"

Alex: "Okay."

Me: "Any more questions about this or sex?"

Alex: "Nope. Can I play my game now?"

Me: "Sure."

Monkey Kisses

Getting Ready to Leave Last Night

P.C.: "Love you. See you later."

Me: "Love you, too. Be back in a bit."

(PC gives me a kiss)

Alex: "Ewww. Okay! Enough. It's been like 5 minutes of you kissing!"

(We, being the good parents that we are, continue to kiss in a much louder, passionate, and over exaggerated manner)

Alex: "Oh Nasty! I just saw someone put their tongue in the other persons mouth!"

Me: "What?" (Trying soo hard no to laugh)

Alex: "You know, if you put your tongue in someone else's mouth then you are kissing like a Monkey. Seriously! (looking at us in total Solomon seriousness, because he thought our smothered hysterical laughing was actually a sound of disbelief) That's how Monkey's Kiss! They put their tongue in another Monkey's mouth! It's gross and you just kissed like a Monkey!"

(I feel sorry for the first girl who tries to French Kiss him.)

(Everybody!: You and me baby, we ain't nothing but mammals, let's do it like they do on the discovery channel)

If only the world of woman, relationships and sex would stay this simple for him ;-)

The Great Ape By Alex

(I found this taped to the wall with my name on it:-) I love that kid. )

The Great Ape

Once in the great forest there was a big Ape. The big ape ate one banana every Sunday for lunch. The great ape got sick one day. He had the flue so he called his doctor. The doctor said aa-ee-oo-aa-tig-tag-wall-bing-band! The Great Ape felt better.

The End.

Dear Mom,
This story is for your blog.
love,
Alex

Captain Underpants and Fancy Nancy make an appearance

Yesterday, as part of literature week it was 'Dress like your favorite book character' at Alex and Liberty's school.

After much debate, planning and re-planning the kids finally settled on their favorite characters. Personally I think they are adorable, but I may be a bit bias ;-)

Alex was the fearless, "Tra La La LaLa" singing, Captain Underpants:






Liberty was the, Oh so appropriate, Fancy Nancy:





And Bean is sitting on my lap freaking out because she's not on my blog and brother and sissy are. So here is a picture of Bean just being adorable as usual :

Dear Alex,

When I ask you to clean your room that does not mean see how many socks, shirts and other discarded clothing it would take to lift your bed off the ground. (Before you say it: Yes, I know your bed is on the floor and not the ground. Just go with it next time, k?)

When I say 'Get your Butt moving' while we are rushing to get ready in the morning, I do not literally mean to move only your butt.

I am sorry the cat ate a mouse. That is what cats do. I will not yell and spank the cat because it found meal that will save me the price of a trap this winter.

If I do not let you have a snack as you are walking upstairs to bed, you will not starve. I checked. You have a week. Therefore, the 3 meals and 4 snacks you ate prior to your bedtime departure mean that you are not, in fact, starving.

When your sister tells on you for hitting her, even though you didn't, that does not mean you can hit her the second I walk out of the room. There is no "Double Jeopardy" law in this house.

I hope this helps us as we venture upon future relations into the tween world and that we can prevent further moments of literal interpretation of my words and other untimely interruptions in our day to debate the merits of my rules.

I love you to the moon and back,
Mommy

A Princess and Her Story

It's hard for me to believe that Liberty is as big as she is. Part of me is so excited that she is in Kindergarten, yet another part of me is still in total denial. I still want her to be my tiny smiley little baby girl. Instead I have this amazing, bright, intelligent and sassy (in a good way..mostly) young girl. She both excites me and scares me with these changes.

Today a whole new world opened for her. She sat down with me so I could read her a book and decided to try and sound the title out. And she did it! So from there, of course, I had her read the book as much as she could. And with the exception of a few big words, she did that too! Her sense of pride, joy and accomplishment was only outshone by one ting.

Her Brother.

Alex was so proud of her and happy for her. He encouraged her and hugged her. He sat there listening to her with the most gigantic smile on his face. He distracted Bean so I could finish reading with Liberty. He was absolutely beaming with pride over his little sister's accomplishment. I realized how excited he is to be able to share stories and his favorite books with her. I am so proud of them both and just think it's so unique and wonderful that soon they will have their own book created world to escape in together.

This growing up thing, it's pretty hard on my heart. But at the same time it's an amazing journey.