The Birds and the Bees
2 days ago
Alex: " Mom, you promised to tell me what that glove thing was."
Me: "What glove thing?"
Alex: "You know, the thing you found in my backpack!"
Me: (Damn. He didn't forget) Alright. It's called a Condom. And it's something you use for Sex. Do you know what Sex is?
Alex: "Yes. It's what you do with a beautiful girl when you are married and you want to have a baby, right?"
Me: "(How freaking cute is that! ) Yes, and sometimes when a man and woman have sex they don't want to have a baby. So a man puts the condom on his penis and it keeps him from giving the woman a baby. "
Alex: "It goes on his Private Area? And I touched it?! Oh..that's sooooo gross! Class Clown Boy had that on his mouth mom! Oh, that is so disgusting!!"
(Me silently thanking the heavens that the germ factor outweighed curiosity about how it prevented babies)
Me: "Yes, and now you know why I sort of freaked out when I found that in your backpack 'cause it could have dangerous germs or chemicals and make you sick. Okay?"
Alex: "Okay."
Me: "Any more questions about this or sex?"
Alex: "Nope. Can I play my game now?"
Me: "Sure."
Me: "What glove thing?"
Alex: "You know, the thing you found in my backpack!"
Me: (Damn. He didn't forget) Alright. It's called a Condom. And it's something you use for Sex. Do you know what Sex is?
Alex: "Yes. It's what you do with a beautiful girl when you are married and you want to have a baby, right?"
Me: "(How freaking cute is that! ) Yes, and sometimes when a man and woman have sex they don't want to have a baby. So a man puts the condom on his penis and it keeps him from giving the woman a baby. "
Alex: "It goes on his Private Area? And I touched it?! Oh..that's sooooo gross! Class Clown Boy had that on his mouth mom! Oh, that is so disgusting!!"
(Me silently thanking the heavens that the germ factor outweighed curiosity about how it prevented babies)
Me: "Yes, and now you know why I sort of freaked out when I found that in your backpack 'cause it could have dangerous germs or chemicals and make you sick. Okay?"
Alex: "Okay."
Me: "Any more questions about this or sex?"
Alex: "Nope. Can I play my game now?"
Me: "Sure."
Monkey Kisses
Getting Ready to Leave Last Night
P.C.: "Love you. See you later."
Me: "Love you, too. Be back in a bit."
(PC gives me a kiss)
Alex: "Ewww. Okay! Enough. It's been like 5 minutes of you kissing!"
(We, being the good parents that we are, continue to kiss in a much louder, passionate, and over exaggerated manner)
Alex: "Oh Nasty! I just saw someone put their tongue in the other persons mouth!"
Me: "What?" (Trying soo hard no to laugh)
Alex: "You know, if you put your tongue in someone else's mouth then you are kissing like a Monkey. Seriously! (looking at us in total Solomon seriousness, because he thought our smothered hysterical laughing was actually a sound of disbelief) That's how Monkey's Kiss! They put their tongue in another Monkey's mouth! It's gross and you just kissed like a Monkey!"
(I feel sorry for the first girl who tries to French Kiss him.)
(Everybody!: You and me baby, we ain't nothing but mammals, let's do it like they do on the discovery channel)If only the world of woman, relationships and sex would stay this simple for him ;-)
