Instant Vegetarian...Just add Boredom

Liberty & Neighbor Teeny getting ready for a sleep over @ Teeny's house:

Liberty: Have you eaten yet?

Teeny: No, but you can eat dinner @ my house.

Liberty: Ok. Are you sure? My mom made Salisbury Steak, It's my favorite!

Teeny: I can't. We don't eat meat.

Liberty: Oh. That's okay. I eat meat everyday..I'm bored with it.

Lamb, The Gospel according To Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Did you ever wonder about Jesus as a child? If he ever did anything funny? Stupid? Childish?

Well, Christopher Moore (with his usual straight forward & smart ass sense of humor) wanted to answer some of these questions and thus began the discovery of Lamb, the Gospel according to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. It's irreverant, intriguing, hillarious and shocking. It's also one of the best things I've ever listened to (I did the book via Audible).

If you have any biblical knowledge you will easily recognize many of the stories through out the book. The twist? They are all told from Biff's (Jesus' BFF) point of view. Biff does have trouble recalling some of the stories at first. After all, he has been dead for thousands of years and today suddenly one of the Lord's Angels is all but holding him hostage in a hotel room. Regardless of his sudden resurrection Biff does an excellent job recreating Jesus' childhood in a way never told before.

Lamb
The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

by Christopher Moore

The birth of Jesus has been well chronicled, as have his glorious teachings, acts, and divine sacrifice after his thirtieth birthday. But no one knows about the early life of the Son of God, the missing years -- except Biff, the Messiahs best bud, who has been resurrected to tell the story in the divinely hilarious yet heartfelt work "reminiscent of Vonnegut and Douglas Adams" (Philadelphia Inquirer).

Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes. Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Saviors pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But theres no one who loves Josh more -- except maybe "Maggie," Mary of Magdala -- and Biff isnt about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.

Give it a read (or listen as I prefer) and let me know what you think!

Can food be x-rated?

Apparently, the answer is yes. Although it could just be my warped and wicked sense of humor! I just couldn't resist purchasing this at a recent visit to the grocery store!




And that fact that it's spicy..just makes it all the funnier. BTW, for those curious, it's also only 80 calories per serving ;-)

When Cute & Cuddly takes on Robotic Evil

It's Wednesday, so I'm sure we could all use a mid-week giggle. If cute and cuddly vs. remote controlled evil doesn't make you giggle....you need to go back to bed!

Good Friday Fun

Need some fun and a way to bust your weekend boredom? How about trying these interesting and unique 'do-it-yourself' projects:

• The postage stamp Nail Polish? Interesting, I mean Who doesn't want a chance to put an Elvis on their fingertips
  
• the Kleenex Tea Bag? Great should you ever find yourself in a pinch having no tea bag but dried tea leaves and flowers aplenty.
  
• I'm not really sure what one does with a cactus binky (Or pacifier for you non-parental folk) but I'd love to hear your ideas.

And Sure the page isn't in English and I could use Google Translator. But I think it kinda makes it more fun guessing names and descritions :-)

Caption This

The Final Countdown...

Today is the last day of November.

Do you know what that means? That means that you officially have :

You should have been prepared. I warned you that day. I told you it was coming and now there is no running, no hiding and no excuses.

If you spent your time Harumphing (I actually had to go check how to spell that word. LMAO) or you spent your time wishing people would just play nice or if you started decorating and learning how to create a new kind of life. No matter what how you've gotten over the past few weeks, it is officially the time to be jolly, blow money on gifts, get fat on Christmas cookies, be okay with that, and sing Christmas carols out of key.

The joy of Christmas has arrived :-) And I'm excited. I'm exhausted. I'm listening to Christmas music 24/7.

I wrote this Guide to The perfect gift last year, but still love it so I'm going to repost it :-) I hope you enjoy it.

Now relax, grab a yummy Starbuck's Peppermint Mocha and fa la la la la your way through the next 25 days :-D

8 Embarassing things.... About me!

Tracy tagged me for this For-ev-ah ago! And me being the procrastinating, brainless wonder Amazingly popular and busy woman that I am; I am just now getting to it.

So sorry for the delay Tracy and here we go!

8 Embarrassing things About Me!

1. I am Terrified of June bugs - Seriously. I will run and scream like it's a poisonus snake. I know they are harmless. But they are big and dumb and fly into you and into your hair and just... shiver!

2. Just like this other post by Tracy, I am very gullible when Prince Charming tells me something - I really did believe (for a few minutes) that the Tree's grew around the power lines on the mountains. Apparently they are actually trimmed that way. (Oye.)

3. I really do have a big head - So does my mother. We truly are a big headed family. More to come on that in another post.

4. I love 80/90's shows - Walker, Texas Ranger; Fresh Prince of Bel Air; Full House; Growing Pains; Roseanne; Rifleman (bet none of you even remember that one!) ; Three's Company; Star Trek- The next Generation. I just love 'em and can't resist watching reruns or all day marathons.

5. I watch Pokemon by myself - Occasionally, while knitting, when Prince Charming is at School and the kids are in bed, I will turn on an episode of Pokemon that I haven't seen yet. I really am addicted to the cartoon much to Alex's delight.

6. My dad had a horrid nickname for me - When I was a kid, somehow or other he started calling me 'Skunk Bread'. I was always so humiliated when he said it in front of other people!!

7. I still own underwear from high school - I have exactly 3 pairs that (by some miracle) still fit me and are from high school. I refuse to throw them away on account of that fact alone.

8. Number one most embarrassing moment EV-AH : While at a speech meet my Junior year I was wearing a very pretty white/powder blue stripped dress. I was sitting at a table talking to 3 other team mates (2 guys, 1 girl if I remember correctly). After about an hour I got up and one of the guys said, "Uh, Chris, we have a problem. You might want to sit back down!" I gave him a strange look and asked "why?" They told me to look at back of my dress. I had started my period, and it was a bad one. It had soaked through the undies, the nylons, and the skirt. I had a 2ft. by 2ft. bright red stain on the back of my skirt. I was.beyond.mortified. I had to wrap a coat around me, find my coach, find another set of clothes, and try not to die of total sheer humiliation.

So there you go :-) Now you know my deepest, darkest, most embarrassing moments. Aren't you sorry as hell happy you dropped by this morning?

I know I'm supposed to Tag people, but I just can't choose right now. So...if you feel like doing it, make sure to leave me a link in the comments so I can link to you :-D

Reason #1 why you don't want to be the most annoying co-worker

Need a reason to not be the most annoying? Need a way to get back at that irritating co-worker? Just bored?

Here's your answer:

Oh yes. Those are post-it notes. Millions of them.

(Thanks to Prince Charming for sharing this with me! Can you guess who he works for? LOL.)

Limes, Violets, Knitting and Boobs This podcst has it all!

I am running around like an insane person today. Packing clothes, toys, essentials for 3 kids. Picking up 2 of 3 from school. Then driving for 2 hours down to their grandma's to drop them off for a 4 day weekend.

The ride home will be filled with hilarious yarn-ity goodness.

Check out Lime and Violet.

Go to their blog and click the POD link at the bottom of each post to listen.


Where else can you get knitting tips while learning 99 names for boobs??

Mom's overture by Anita Renfroe

Thank you to my mom for sending this to me today :-) I admit I've said 98% of these!
And Listen for the I-pod threat...that's my #1 behavior tool here!!!! ROFL.

Mission Accomplished! I actually knitted something!

I finally finished my first project! Due to the insane nature of the last two weeks it took longer than I hoped (Oh..and the fact that I was knitting yarn meant for an 11 gauge needle on a 4 gauge instead. ), but they are done!

I gave them to Little Miss Cutie (my niece) for her bday on Saturday, here's pics:












































As much teasing as I received for knitting leg warmers, everyone loved them once they saw them. I am so beyond happy with them and I have already had a few requests from other little girls for their own pair :-D

I am excited as I already have Liberty's 1st pair half way done. I will post them as soon as I can.

This knitting hobby has also created a bit of a yarn fetish in me and my collection has grown considerably:

















Isn't that just the most cutest??

When my mom sent this to me today, I decided I just might have to purchase one for Bean.

Wish you all lived closer. We could have a 'Yarn Ho's Unite' evening. LOL.

These commercials are way too funny to miss!

Meerkat Manor is Alex's favorite show. It is sort of "Sopranos" meets "All My Children" but with fur. He absolutely loves it (and I admit, he's converted me to a fan). As I was fast forwarding commercials watching Mythbusters, something caught my eye and made me rewind. I've never laughed so hard.

This is one of the funniest and best commercials I've ever seen. Turn it up, the music totally makes it better.

House of 1000 Muppets

Prince Charming is a huge Muppet fan. I do find them enjoyable, just not as much as he does. But this video made me laugh, especially as a fan of horror movies.

Happy Sunday!

My Family's 'So you think you can Dance' audition tapes..

It's Friday and I don't know about you, but I need a good laugh after this week!

So in honor of the season finale of 'So You Think You Can Dance' last night, I thought you might enjoy seeing my family's audition tapes for the show. Obviously I don't have Sabra's extension or Lacy's arse shaking technique and thus we didn't make the cut. But there's always next year and the dream for a ticket on that Hot Tamale Train!

Alex and Liberty:



Bean:



Alex and Prince Charming:



Prince Charming and I:



Hope they made you giggle :-) Take a second and make your own dance!

Mess with me...and the pictures get it!

I was just over visiting Bee, where she explained how twisted and evil she is she had found a way to relieve stress yesterday. I thought it was funny. Actually, I laughed out loud (literally) and then told her that it was funny but if I walk in that Borders with my 8 year old I will kick her Arse.

Anywho, I'm off topic.


I was evil.

Okay, not so much evil as cunning and...and...Well, I'm not sure what else I was...so (INSERT WORD OF CHOICE HERE TO GO WITH CUNNING).

We had gone out to breakfast at a local restaurant. It was cute, westerny (complete w/ sign at door requesting everyone leave their guns at the bar) and one of those small town diners where all the moms work and everyone knows everyone.

The waitress was rude, demanding and pushy. The menu wasn't that great and the food turned out to be worse. One of the egg breakfasts we ordered had runny eggs. Not the dip your toast in the yolk runny. They were the not cooked, eat it and hurl for 2 days, make your stomach churn just looking at it, OMG, this restaurant is gonna kill me type of runny.

So we nicely asked the waitress to take them back as they were undercooked. She was huffy and obviously not pleased, but she did as asked. About 5 minutes later she brings the plate back and we all look at it.

Finally, my mom says, 'Did you remake that or just reheat it?'

The waitress looks at her with a VERY not so nice expression and says, 'I went back there and threw it in the microwave for a while.'

Turns.

And walks away.

Well, my friend did eat the eggs and as far as I know she is still perfectly fine (well, as fine as she was before, although I'm not sure that's saying a whole lot 'cause she was pretty crazy before the eggs....oh..sorry..anyway..)

So what did I do? What was my cunning and (insert above word here) way of getting even?

I rearranged their pictures.

Oh yes. I did.

In the ladies room were a bunch of pictures of different cowboys. John Wayne, Roy Rogers, Wayne Newton (seriously..WTF?) and The cast of Walker,Texas Ranger (roflmao).

I didn't like the way they had them put on the walls. John Wayne was above the back of the toilet, Wayne Newton (again...WTF?) was at eye level on wall across from toilet, Roy Rogers was on wall behind door, and the Walker TR photo was above Wayne Newton (did I mention..WTF?).

So I decided to teach them all a lesson. I put John Wayne at eye level across from the toilet, Roy Rogers above him, WalkerTR behind the door and Wayne Newton (You expected a WTF? didn't ya!) (Come on..really..WTF?..Wayne Newton??!!) went above the toilet. Just because I figured that was the stinkiest place in the room (being above the toilet) and it annoyed me that he was there.

That will teach those rude waitress, runny egg cooks, and microwaving morons what to expect when messing with me and mine.

(insert evil over caffeinated laugh here)

I wonder how long 'till someone noticed???

The P-mates.....Mate!

If you've been reading my blog lately you may have seen Tracy in the comments or in my blogroll. We met via the blogosphere a little over a month ago and have found that we are really long lost twin sisters. It's seriously uncanny how much alike we are and how much we have in common.

You may also remember this post I did on the P-mate a few weeks ago. I think it's one of the funniest posts I've ever written.

Today Tracy found the 'mate' to the P-mate. And OMG...I've never laughed so hard. So I suggest you head over there and read her post :-)

And Tracy...I definitely think we can outdo this ;-)

You Know You're Living in 2007 When...

Yes, I'm a little late posting today. Okay, very late.

It's been a busy weekend full of work, school, baseball, and meeting up with old friends.

It's also been a weekend full of very hot humid weather and no air conditioning. So the guy is coming to fix it on Wednesday. The problem? My basement is beyond disgusting. Beyond. There's all kind of animal 'left overs' from the previous people, but I was preggers when we moved in and somehow I just never got down there to clean it. Combined with the leaky window that fills half the basement with water whenever it rains..and you have my nasty basement. So I spent 3.5 hours today cleaning up the nastiest of the nastiest. I was covered in the grossest of the grossest. I took a shower. I got all cleaned. And now I'm finally posting.

After the day I had running across a post on Thought Mechanics was just what I needed. Here's the post:

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played Solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t#9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this (or post it) to your friends. You know you want to.

I really did laugh. I'm totally guilty of #10. I walk in kitchen, hit the mouse to see my e-mail box, then start making coffee.

#11 isn't one I've done..but I have almost responded to people while talking with the letters LOL or LMAO. Yeah, I'm a dork.

I hope this gave you a much needed smile on this Monday :-)

Women Unite! It's time to Pee Standing Up!!

Summer is here. The season for bbq's, picnics, summer vacation, swimming, little league, t-ball and....Port-a-Potty's.








**Insert Shiver Here**


I don't care what anyone says, alcohol poisoning or not, I pretty much BATHE in Germ-X after I use one!

They are always so smelly, and buggy, and just plain NOT clean.

I have always envied boys though for their ability to use that nice little urinal on the sidewall. They never have to worry that they won't be able control the speed of their pee and end up with 'splash up'. **insert gagging sounds here**

They don't have to try and carefully squat over a hole, all the while just praying that you don't loose balance and have to actually TOUCH something.

Well, My friends. It's Thursday and by now I'm sure we could all use a bit of a giggle. So being the domestic wonder woman that I am, I have decided to share a product that both made me laugh for well over 10 minutes AND solves the port-a-potty dilemma.

I would like to introduce you to P-Mate. This revolutionary new product allows women the "Freedom to Pee Standing up."

Here is some information from the website:

* The P-Mate gives women the freedom to pee like men.

* The P-Mate is clean and hygienic.

* The P-Mate is covered with a 4-leaf clover design as it is good luck to have one with you when you are in need.

* The P-Mate does NOT get all wet and soggy after use. You can easily slip it back into a pocket or bag for later disposal if you are outdoors where there is no garbage can.

P-Mate was invented by a creative Dutch woman. They allow girls and women of all ages the ability to neatly pee standing up.

The P-Mate is basically like a cardboard shoe with the toe cut off. You place the entrance of the 'shoe' directly under your urethra, between your legs, pee into the shoe and then make sure that the hole at the toe end is funnelling the urine out somewhere other than on your feet.

Forget peeing on my feet.

This means I can finally write my name in the snow too!

Can you Guess??

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been online a lot lately. I was going to try to explain why, but my newest....duties...are already demanding my attentions.

So to make this short and sweet (as I must) I had this clue made to help you guess why I have no time for blogging this week. I promise I will try to make my usual rounds as soon as I possibly can. I already miss reading everyone!

So here is your clue:



Now, I want some good guesses!

Seriously. I need a good laugh. Or Vodka. Feel free to send either my way.

I'll try to give you the answer tomorrow and share the whole story!