Before you get comfy, I am sending you away. That's right! I want you to read this post, written by Sara over at Suburban Oblivion. Her smarts inspired my smarts today :-)
My response to Sara (which I totally think she should add as a P.S. to her letter before mailing):
AMEN!!!
I just received a card in the mail for a free pair of panties. It made me laugh hysterically because I'd like to know what woman they use to measure a size 14!! I wear a size 14 and I can't fit my arse into their panties unless my goal is to cut off complete circulation to all regions below my belly button!! And trust me, being blue and purple from the waist down is highly unattractive, even if you are wearing their skimpiest of skimpies.
And their bra's are my size...but only the uglier ones. The really really pretty, "OH I want to wear THAT to bed tonight because I know I'll be a sex goddess for sure" seem to only come in a DD if you are also a 34. HA. Fat chance unless you are trying to hold up your silicone.
I buy my perfume and lotion there (I LOVE my body butter) and once was given a free adorable 'One size fits all' hot pink tank top with the word 'Delicious' across it. I loved it. I was sooo excited to wear it and knew I'd look super hot sexy.
When I tried it on I quickly found that I had misunderstood something very important in their product tag. 'OSFA' wasn't supposed to mean 'one size fits all'. It was supposed to mean "one size fits angels" (you know, their skinny, size negative 5 twenteen models?). On me it just looked like a hot pink sausage casing. *shiver*
So yes, Sara, you are right. I say it's time for a panty revolution and a good bra burning.
I have yet to read a post at The Bloggess without laughing so hard that coffee has nearly come out my nose. She has an amazing humor that makes the bloggy world worth signing on for.
When Jenny wrote this post, I thought she was the most brilliant person I'd ever read. And most of her ideas (read: vibrating seat, little pushy robot, and heated cookie pocket) were exactly what I hoped for in her revised edition. Substitute the beer can hat for coffee dispensers and I'd buy one from her this very second.
She totally deserves this (even if it won't get me a free scooter):
Go. Laugh. Be Merry.
After you congratulate Jenny (congratulations Jenny! Thanks for being so awesome!) on her job well done, visit Petroville and Suburban Turmoil and:
1) Tell them thank you for all their hard work on the Perfect Post Awards (seriously, if it wasn't for the reminder e-mails...I'd always forget)
2) Sign up to give your own award in January (The more the merrier and what a great way to spread some New Year cheer!)
3) Read all the other amazing post winners this month (or visit the Perfect Post library and visit the past months winners)
If you've spent any time in my blogroll, then I am sure you've met Jenny from Absolutely Bananas. If not, I hope this will make you a huge fan.
Last month Jenny wrote this post, about one of those moments when you suddenly have a moment of crystal clarity.
Like many other moms I know, I forget to take care of me. I put myself aside when I'm sick, I don't eat as healthy as I should, and I worry about everything and everyone else and very rarely have made taking care of ME the way I take care of everyone else a priority.
Here's an excerpt from Jenny's post. It made me realize that I am not alone in this:
Independence is glorious. Until it isn't... until I realize that I'm almost 30 years old with not-so-great eating habits and not enough exercise and what about my DREAMS? There are so many things wrong with me that I don't know where to begin.
So I get mad. At my body. At my lack of willpower. Why can't I just get to the gym every day? Why do I always have to take the 3rd cookie? Why can't I just follow through on all those things I plan to do? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?! I'm so mad I feel like slapping myself.
My mother would be horrified.
This isn't how she wants her child treated. This goes against all the nurturing and caring and loving that she put so much energy into.
I orphaned little Jenny.
Poor little Jenny.
So Jenny, Thank you for helping me not feel so alone and thank you for helping me wake up.
I hope you'll head over and congratulate Jenny and hopefully, like me, walk away with a renewed vow to treat yourself as good as you deserve.
I had a post all planned out today. Actually, I had two of them. The first being a wonderfully eloquent rant about stupid parents who don't act like parents, and the second post being a heart-felt, emotional look at my failings and progress as a parent.
But then, I headed over to check in at Vodkarella and she had a link to this post.
I have never.laughed.so.freaking.hard.ever.
Seriously, Coffee did go flying from my lips. The artwork alone made it worth the read.
Once I had that all cleaned up I decided to check in on Mocha Momma, another one of my long time favs. And, there I am giggling (I don't spray coffee at her site as I am worried that she might consider it coffee abuse and ban me from her blog)
The fabulous MommaK over at Petroville is hosting the 'Worst School Picture 2007' contest this week! Head over there, have a giggle, and let her know who you think is should be the big winner!
Yes, I'm late! But better late than never is my personal motto. LOL.
Apparently even though I checked all the pictures many of them still showed the file names. So if you cheated..shame on you. I suggest you go and find 4 m & m's, eat one, and throw the rest away as punishment.
And this blond little pudgy thing is....you guessed it...ME!
Now I want to know how every single one of you managed to guess which one was me?? Every.Single.One.of.You. got this right!
Hope you all had fun and thanks for playing :-D
P.S. If you are wondering why your comments from the game post are on this post..it's because blogger was not playing nice this morning and I couldn't upload the pics. So I had to edit the game post instead of writing a new post.
I have added some new links in my blogroll but I wanted to make sure to mention them 'cause I think they are really kick Arse cool!
The first is my friend Gypsy Queen. She has an amazing writing talent and a witty, funny and honest outlook on life. When you start to read her blog you want to know her, not just read her. She makes you feel like you've found a new best friend.
My next new find, I have to credit to Gypsy. Word Imperfect is a fun, sometimes giggle out loud read that is very addicting. The Word Imp puts up a daily word and her visitors create different meanings. The results are very interesting and funny!
Last, but certainly not least, is my moms new find, Scrumdilly-do! The name alone makes you want to read! The crafts, links and ideas on this site are amazing! I just wish I had found earlier in our summer!
Mrs. Joe sent me an email today for a 'baby' project she is working on, along with a request to forward it to everyone I know. I am not all that big on forwarding mail and honestly don't have that many people in my contact list. So I thought I would post it here and ask you guys to answer in the comment section. And if you want a quick post idea this week..post this on your blog and let us know so we can read the answers!
Hello to all,
I am may know some of you personally and some of you just through someone else but, I need help! I am starting a project about babies and need some help from you or someone you know. I am looking to reach a wide range of people. Your help in this matter is greatly appreciated.
Questions: 1. What is the best baby advice you have every recieved or heard?
2. If there was only one product you could use for your baby what would it be?
3. What is the most useful baby product you have ever had?
4. What advice have you been given about babies that is totally off?
5. Do you have any weird questions about babies or pregnancy that you need answered or have already had answered?
Okay obviously the above questions are more female oriented....but you males out there are either married or know someone with babies...ask them...or just simply pass this email on and have them answer these questions. Thanks again for all your help in advance!
Have you missed me? I've missed me. I haven't been feeling myself lately. On top of that fact, both my laptop and my internet have taken turns randomly not working. So I have not had my favorite little corner of the world to retreat within.
So what has been new in your part of the world? I am so behind in visiting my friends. I miss you all terribly in case you wondered. I am going to try and visit with everyone this week.
One thing I was so excited to tell you last week, was that Chantal awarded ME with a rockin' blogger award! Contrary to what you may have heard, I did not jump around like a giddy school girl and call my mom all excited.
Not me.
Nuh uh.
Aright, so I did. But just a little ;-)
So someone thinks I am a Rockin' Blogger! Yeah, that's pretty kickin' arse cool!
So now I will pass this yummy blogger karma out to my five Rockin' Blogger chics! So head over there and give them a visit and congrats!
Bee @ Bee's Musings - Bee's posts will make you laugh hysterically. Her view of the everyday world, workplace and life in general simply make the world more fun to exist in.
Sassy @ Oh My Gawd Really? - Sassy will make you do more than laugh. She will make you pee your pants while you laugh (You were warned!). I would give anything to be able to write like her or be like her, live by her or take over her life in general !
Tracy @ Rambling Thoughts of the Never Ending Mind - Tracy is my long lost twin sister. We are so alike that sometimes when I read her blog I forget it's not mine. I can only hope that someday I am lucky enough to meet her in person and maybe even win the lottery so we can become next door neighbors. I can just hear it now, 'There goes the neighborhood!'
Lisa @ Midwestern Mommy - Lisa is just all sorts of sweetness and fun rolled up into one yummy blog. Her posts are funny, witty, emotional and reading her blog makes you feel just like you're sitting on your best friends couch sharing a cup of coffee.
Amber @ Crazy Bloggin' Canuck - Amber is one of my newer reads. She is a total sweetie and has amazing energy. Her passion for life is simply inspiring. She does things that I only dream about sitting on my arse in front of a 'puter while drinking coffee and eating chocolate. Since I've started reading her blog I've lost 8 lbs. I am pretty sure that's because her energy flows through the blog and ups your metabolism. How cool is that??!!
So ladies congrats and thanks for making the blogosphere a better place to be!
If you've been reading my blog lately you may have seen Tracy in the comments or in my blogroll. We met via the blogosphere a little over a month ago and have found that we are really long lost twin sisters. It's seriously uncanny how much alike we are and how much we have in common.
You may also remember this post I did on the P-mate a few weeks ago. I think it's one of the funniest posts I've ever written.
Today Tracy found the 'mate' to the P-mate. And OMG...I've never laughed so hard. So I suggest you head over there and read her post :-)
And Tracy...I definitely think we can outdo this ;-)
First, I must apologize to Tracy for shamelessly stealing borrowing her blog title without asking. Coffee is slow to kick in this morning and it was the only thing I could think of.
Here is a list of things that have flown through my head this morning:
I'm more worried about Joe. We have no new information. The 'clues' are just adding up to more 'what ifs". The police in Boynton Beach, Fl apparently are not all that concerned with finding him as quickly as possible. It really feels like we're in a twisted and demented version of C.S.I. or Vanished Without a Trace. And I still can't express how much your support and encouragement has meant to molls and I.
I couldn't award a Perfect Post today for the month of May. I had a folder saved in my bookmarks of my 'nominees' but it is gone. Just gone. So to all those who wrote the perfect post and were anxiously awaiting their e-mail from me, I am sorry. I have lost you. I promise the second I find you I will let you know.
Izzymom wrote this post today. I wish she wrote it yesterday so I could have given her a Perfect Post award. But she wrote it today, so now she has to wait 29 more days and hope I don't loose her in that time. But I now have del.icio.us, so I should be able to keep her found.
This was on del.icio.us top five this morning. I thought it was kinda funny. Rambling and exhausted, remember?
Since changing my mind about turning in my two weeks notice, I'm pretty sure I'm going to take the girls night out package tonight. I.really.need.some.real.drink. Something that doesn't come in a plastic carton, have silly fruit with faces on it, contain the word "diet" anywhere, or go in a sippy cup.
What are your plans for this weekend? Anything good? Anything I can invite myself too?
Jesse over at 'For the Love of Peas and Monkeys'(seriously, is that not the cutest name ever!) posted this meme last week. I thought it was a really fun one so decided to tag myself.
When I am an Old Woman I hope to:
1. Be 'that' old couple who walks past, making everyone hope they have that when they are old.
2. Have all my hair (I know, I know. Vain much?)
3. Have at least 8 grand babies that I can spoil mercilessly and see endlessly.
4. Travel. I don't want to sit at home with my cat. I want to travel and see what I haven't had time to see.
5. Take my grand babies on vacation with me. (my grandparents did this and they are some of my most cherished and amazing memories)
Are you disappointed I never mentioned wearing purple??
When I am an old Woman I will not:
1. Get my hair cut in the standard short poofy permed hairstyle. (Yes, I really am that obsessed with my old lady hair.)
2. Complain my family doesn't call enough.(I'll just show up and force them to love me...haha)
3. Own more than 3 cats
4. Talk about my hemorrhoids, bowel movements, or other bodily failings, irritations, and unusual functioning in public or in front of family. (Some things should really just be saved for your 'Golden Girl' friends.)
I would like to inform you that I'm very crabby today. Why does it matter and why should I be informing you? Because for the past two days it's taken all my strength not to strike out like a cobra after moving prey at anyone and everything around me. I ran out of my medicine, I have had no hot water for the past 4 days which means no showers or shaving for a week. Can you say Ewww? I have been taking 'wash cloth' baths, but they do nothing for shaving. So Prince Charming has been romancing a hedge hog for the past 4 days. And, to top all that off my 'friend' has been here for 8 days. EIGHT DAYS. Except she's here one day and not the next. And then she's there in the morning but not at night. Then she's there at 1 a.m. demanding attention and gone by 6a.m. when I get up. I haven't had a visit this long (or annoying, or emotional, or bloated or irrational) since before I was preggers with Bean almost 3 years ago. Oh, and I have 5 kids this weekend. FIVE.
Yes. Apparently I am crazy and trying to get myself admitted somewhere. So, because you have already had to listen to me whine and moan this morning and are probably thinking, 'Why do I even bother coming here?' I decided I had best shut up and send you to more fun and happy places on a Friday.
Here's a list of places to go today that will make this trip worthwhile :
Ever Wondered if a Brazilian Wax is Painful? Do This by then and reach $10,000 and she will video her face while doing that! Did I confuse you yet? At least spread the word, mmmk?
Go to my other blog and Meet our newest and VERY funny friend. You Will laugh. I DARE you not too!
Want to see some great photo's? Go here (the new site launched today) to meet my photographer and see some of her amazing work!
Please share your favorite blogs (or website). I don't care what the topic or by who. I just want to 'expand' my horizons a bit and would love for you to leave me a new link in the comments.
I have FIVE kids this weekend remember? And a little league game. And two sets of baseball photo's. So please, send some good stuff (and maybe chocolate?!) my way!
I've been meaning to put this music video on here for a month now. It's by Nickelback, one of my favorite music groups and the song is 'If Everyone Cared'. The first time I saw this video I got teary and goose bumpy. Before you read the rest of my post, I want you to watch it.
What was the point of this Video? The point is that every person, every single one of us, can make a difference in someone else's life.
When did we stop believing in each other? When did we stop trying to help others beyond the scope of those in our daily contact? I know that I personally have my own little set of excuses:
1. It won't really make a difference
2. The money never actually gets to the people it was intended for and just lines a ceo's pocket.
3. What difference is $5 going to really make?
4. The job is so big and there is so much to be done that our help really won't even begin to solve the problem.
These are the excuses I make to myself. The ones that are supposed to help me feel less guilty and better about myself when I don't help. The ones that help me turn a blind eye to problems that I hear about on the news. But the truth is:
1. Most organizations and fund raisers are on the level. It's just the bad few who have caused the bad rep.
2. See above answer.
3. The difference is that $5 per person adds up quickly. $5 donated by 100 people means another $500 to help. That is more than a years pay for people in this village.
4. It won't. This will not solve the bigger issues or problems. Right now. But it will help this one village and this one community. And eventually village by village maybe people like Chris and Jenn can start to truly make a difference in the big picture.
Now I want to introduce you to Karen. She has stopped making excuses and is taking on the blogosphere on behalf of her friends, Chris and Jenn. Here is an excerpt from her post:
One of my very good friends, Chris, and his lovely wife Jenn are traveling to Swaziland at the end of May to volunteer a month of their time, and as many supplies as they can muster to the small town of Manzini.
Traveling to Africa is my biggest dream and I’m so proud of Jenn and Chris for taking this huge leap and helping their fellow man. One day, when my kids are older, I plan on doing this very thing.
In Chris’ words:
As you may, or may not know, Jenn and I are traveling to Swaziland, Africa at the end of the month to volunteer in a hospital in the small town of Manzini for a month. What prompted this??… I’m trying to off-set my carbon-credits with good-Karma-juju credits, thereby allowing me to continue my current global-carbon-polluting ways.
Seriously - I have recently been in contact via email with someone at the hospital, as well as someone at an orphanage nearby. And they are in need of supplies. I am attempting to get donations from VGH ( through the Vancouver General Hospital / UBC Hospital Foundation) for simple items such as diagnostic pen-lights, bone and pleural biopsy needles, and N95 masks ( the masks are for the opportunistic infections coinciding with HIV/AIDS … eg: TB ( see: drug resistant TB on the rise ) Swaziland has the worlds highest HIV/AIDS infection rate (38.8%) life expectancy : male: 31.84 years female: 32.62 years.
70% of the country earns less than $1 American per day (wikipedia)
I am also organizing donations for the orphanage nearby. these kids are orphaned due to the loss of their entire families from HIV/AIDS. they have no family to take them in, and the fortunate ones end up in the orphanage.....
Why am I writing about this? Because one of my new years promises was to be a better person. To make my optimism go past my smile and into my life. And because I believe in Karma. And who couldn't use a little bit of good Karma in their life?
Karen is right. One skipped cup of Starbucks (and you KNOW that NOTHING has EVER come between me and my Starbucks when I am near one) is enough to help. Five dollars. That is IT. Just Five Dollars. I didn't buy my traditional cup of coffee last night after grocery shopping. I have $5.18 that I will be donating.
Please head over to her post and help in any way you can.
You can make a difference by helping someone else make a difference. Is $5 really too difficult to manage??
Post about this or donate and I will link to you. Thank you!
So far they've raised $500!! Donations will be accepted until the end of the month, so please, spread the word and lets show how much each of us can accomplish on our own!
Now that I'm on the verge of having to have a more in depth sex talk with Alex I have found myself completely out of my element and terrified beyond belief barely equipped to discuss the going-ons of male anatomy. Anne's post made me laugh hysterically as she navigates the world of the penis:
I thought I did a fabulous job of giving Finn a technically descriptive, exhaustive sex talk a while back. As I read the book, however, I realized that I had completely failed to mention wet dreams. What kind of mother advises her son so thoroughly on the care and feeding of a menstruating woman (back rubs and chocolate) and neglects to inform him about nocturnal emissions?
I called Bill at work and got his voice mail.
“Honey, I forgot to tell Finn about wet dreams when I gave him the sex talk, and I’m afraid he’s going to start having them soon. Do you think you could go over that with him tonight while y’all are driving from baseball practice to drums? You should have twelve minutes to cover it if there are no wrecks and you drive five miles over the speed limit. Love you!”
Her post helped me find the humor of the situation and realize that sometimes the stress isn't really necessary if I intend to save my own sanity. I hope you'll head over there and leave her a comment and also take a look through her archives. Her blog is fun and light and some of the best bloggy reading I've ever found.
A quick thanks to my mom for finding her for me :-)
A few weeks ago Erin (Queen of Spain) wrote this post, which quickly turned that Monday to be known as 'Blow Job Day.' I'm sure that there were many husbands proclaiming 'God Save the Queen' that night (I know it was said at my house.) Her post helped remind me that sometimes bringing a little fun into the mundane is necessary and healthy.
I am very guilty of doing just enough in my sex life to make it not be an issue, but not enough to make it great. I want great. I want fun. I want the roll around, sweaty, screaming, shake the whole room, amazing sex life everyday, not just the once or twice a month I have now. Of course wanting and getting are two totally different things, but I have no one to blame but myself.
I know that one of my issues is my weight. I also know that I'm tired and want every single second of sleep I can get. But another issue is not being confident. Confident that I can have fun and enjoy a more....playful...side to my mommy/wife persona and that it is okay.
So I have decided to explore and try to bring back the more adventurous side of me that was lost among the piles of laundry, diaper changes and dirty dishes over the past 11 years. The side of me that wants to be a sex goddess and give my husband a blow job more often just because I can.
On that note I wanted to share two products that were brought to my attention. I just found them much too intriguing and fun NOT to share! **They are adult oriented, just so that you aren't surprised.
THIS brings a whole new world of fun to Having hubby send you a message from work!!
and
THIS just has to much potential for a fun filled evening of creating and use to not be intrigued!!
How is your Sex life? Have you fallen into the 'Mundane' or are you swinging from the rafters? How do you keep it exciting?
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." 2 I'll visit your blog and leave you a comment asking you five questions(that I choose) 3. You create a post with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Thanks to LadyBug for interviewing me and the great questions!
1. Who is your best friend and why?
Molls is my bestest friend in the whole world. We've been best friends for 15 years! She's exactly like me and exact opposite me all at once, she's always there for me, she's got the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met, and she's the kind of friend that will listen to you bitch all week about how fat you've gotten and how miserable you are with your weight and then sit with you on your night out, eating as much Chinese buffet food as you can without saying a word :-D
2. How did you meet Prince Charming?
Well, this is my favorite story in the world even if it is very 'high school'.
I went to High school with P.C. his senior year, but even in our school of 400 I didn't know him. I also worked with his mom for almost 3 years before I met him!
P.C. made a deal with a mutual friend to 'prank' an order from the pizza joint I worked at right before closing time. The friend was supposed to bring the pizza over after work, but she forgot to tell me about it. I had to make a delivery 5 min. before closing that was a 45 min. round trip drive and went to deliver this 'prank' pizza first. I knocked on 3 doors trying to deliver this pizza for almost 15 min. before P.C. and another friend pulled up in their car to tell me that it had been a prank. I was LIVID. I called him ever single name I could possibly think of. And I didn't give him the pizza. I went back and told the mutual friend what a jerk P.C. was and when she suggested that we go out with them after work (she wanted to hook up with P.C. and I was supposed to play 'wing man' with his other friend) I told her I wouldn't because P.C. was such a 'complete ass-hole'
The next evening I ran into P.C. with some other mutual friends who wanted to go for a country drive to do some, *ahem*, not so legal activities. P.C. was home on leave from the Navy and was unable to participate so my friend asked me to take him home. Begrudgingly, I said yes. We ended up driving around for almost 6 hours, just talking.
Finally we stopped on a country road next to the river and sat on the hood of my car just talking. Eventually he kissed me and it was exactly like a scene from a Disney movie. The moon was huge and shinning on the water, there was a warm breeze and (I am totally serious) there were otters playing in the water just off the shore. We've been together ever since (11 years on May 1st!)
3. How did you start blogging?
I started with My Space and enjoyed it so much I created Serendipity. I sort of just stopped blogging after a month or so. Jen is the one who got me to start back up last fall and now I'm totally addicted. I just wish life gave me a little more time to do it!
4. Favorite gift ever received?
Hmmm. That is a hard one. I'll have to do my top 3. 1. My Ring 2. My Laptop 3. My I-pod
5. Do you wear makeup on a daily basis?
No. I used to, but I started to break out badly after I had Bean. Now I usually only wear it every other day or when I'm going somewhere.
Today they announced they are giving a way 9" Philips Digital Photo Frame! I don't know if you've ever seen one, but they absolutely ROCK! I gave two as gifts this past Christmas and they were a HUGE hit. Hurry over and join in the fun!
